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The names of this story have been changed to protect the guilty. Who the guilty are is up to you to determine. My buddy called the other day to report that he may smell a trap. Out of the blue his bride, who usually complains about the cost of hunting and fishing, suggested he take a thousand dollars and buy a gun. Oh, what tantalizing low hanging fruit for a sportsman. In case you haven’t noticed, we like to buy new guns. Fortunately, many of us are familiar with the concept of a dangling tasty morsel leading to a demise. We trap, we put out bait in traps, we hang shiny objects so we can smell ambushes. We were told not to pick fresh fruit in the jungle because it may be wired to an explosive; you get the picture. 

My response of course, was, “a thousand dollars”? I may take the bait for three hundred, but a grand? Hit the fu gas and retreat to the rally point buddy, you’re in trouble! He agreed and laid low, I think. I also suspect he may have gone out and bought a gun; it was a tantalizing offer. 

I got a text less than a week later though, “I hit the fu gas and ran for the rally point, but she was standing there waiting for me with her arms crossed.” “What happened?” I asked. He replied, “She needs eighteen grand for her kid’s house, which has a mold problem”. “Oh, that’s a three-gun bribe easy for that much cash!” I opined. “At least state that if you can come up with that much then there is no complaining anymore when we go upstate for bear, or north for burbot, or out the back door with a fresh box of shells!”  

He responded, “I talked her down to five grand.” I think he believes that was a victory. I’m not sure he even got the gun and am pretty sure there will still be complaining when we go out to the river for spring walleye. 

People may think being a sportsman is the life of all glory and ease and that we have all the power but it’s not true. Even the best outdoorsmen have an obstacle course of pit falls to navigate through in our daily lives. This is just the latest example. 

I didn’t even suggest that he should say he doesn’t have the money because I’m sure she knows at least half of what he really has and a third of what he really paid. Then he’d be in a double trap because it would be suggested that he sell the eighteen-thousand-dollar fishing boat he told her he bought for eight hundred dollars to help pay for the mold remediation. 

I’m going to suggest that he tell her she can buy any diamond she wants for a thousand dollars then hit her up with money to take me burbot fishing on Lake Superior this winter. It’s not like I’m being selfish about it, he can throw five hundred dollars in for himself to buy an ice shanty and heater!

See you along the stream